Women and Visibility
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Or why is this now my signature ending?

gold penI was asked a little while back by Sarah Arrow as to what was behind my always ending my e-mails and blog messages with a ‘x’ or two and so thought that this would be a good blog for me!

Yes, this seems to have become part of my signature. Personally, it’s because I am quite a friendly person and this would be what I do to those I correspond with as a rule.

No, I don’t do it on business letters or to strangers – only when I have got to know them!

Fist in a Velvet Glove

It also may be I want to be seen as likeable and feminine.   AND it also means that I can normally get away with being forthright!  An American colleague has said that I am like a ‘fist in a velvet glove’.   People don’t expect me to give feedback or offer comments in a way that, coming from others, would seem harsh.  It also seems to be more a British thing and can amuse and baffle some men and women new to our country as they don’t quite know how to react.

Research

Some research has been done on such a simple act of putting ‘x’ on your tweets, texts and blogs.   And it seems that a once-intimate sign-off is feminising the workplace, for better or worse. The ‘xs’ are changing the world. They can be seen as ‘my strong demands come with a little bit of sugar’.

Another thing that can happen is that my ‘x’ can spread the ‘xs’ further as it’s difficult for you not to put one back and so on until more of us are doing it!

What can go wrong?

Well, three things can go wrong! It could be seen wrongly as some kind of ‘turn on’ or being overly familiar so I only do it with women, and men who are friends or am getting to know slowly through some other way. I hold it that it’s the problem of the other as to what they read into it.

Another thing is – what happens when I forget to put an ‘x’ genuinely? Some may see it as upsetting in some way or that something is wrong with our relationship.   When it’s not so genuinely, maybe I am attempting to punish them!   You can then get all worked up because of this omission if that’s what you want to do.

Yes, and the last reason is that I know it can also be used as a passive-aggressive stance but that’s not where I come from. I always check out first where I am coming from in my responses.

Usually the more ’xxx’s you put the more affection you are expressing. Or sometimes it is simply that I loved your wit!

It’s more a woman thing than a male thing. And it is found that it is the younger and the older generation who mainly do it – although perhaps some older people aren’t so sure about it except to family.

Of course, as a Pyschologist there can be many reasons as to why I do it!!   And I see it as being polite and friendly, hoping you’ll like me and me telling you that I like you or what you say or have written. If it also means that you’ll like me then great and if not, I can live with that too.

Anyway there’s room for thought here around something so simple as putting a ‘x’.

Love to have your thoughts on why you do or don’t do it.

Want a one-off ‘MOT’ or a ‘catching up with yourself’ session?   As well as ongoing work, I specialise in these for those already on their personal development journey.  Contact me to find out more irene@irenebrankin.co.uk

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26 Responses

  • Yes, I can be a ‘mistress of skilful will’ too!! Thanks, Sarah, I’d love to record it again – we just laughed too much throughout. I thought this was a good one to pick up again. You take care xx

  • Thanks, Corinne, for your lovely response especially on the interesting bit! Thanks also for your suggestion and I did look at Wikipedia and some other articles – thought I’d keep it simple and not too long. Keep up your good work too xx

  • Great blog Irene! I see you’ve left the “X” off your signature on this article..
    You’re right, I often wonder whether to put an x on blogs, texts etc..

    It does seem a softener and sometimes I look at a stream of x’s after something sent to me and wonder …

    I’ll continue with mine, thoughtfully and with discretion!

    Rosemary X

  • Thank you Rosemary for taking the time to comment (I’m attempting to get the signature changed to a proper one so I will get my ‘x’ added to that) and thoughtfully and with discretion sounds good xx

  • I consider myself to be a xxx’s girl although I’ve just had a look through my blog posts and I seem to have 50/50 mix of posts with xx’s and without. I’m a true Gemini and I think this is my Gemini twins at work. More kisses needed I think xx

  • Hi from another Gemini, Wendy, must be why we get on so well!! Yes to more kisses xxx (Thanks for commenting)

  • I always put kisses or <3 hearts at the end of neat enough everything, I have to check myself if writing to the area manager or something but – I'm just a very loving and affectonate person and there's nothing wrong with spreading a little love and happiness. Even sometimes ✌️ &❤️

  • To me the “x” or “xx” denotes that I’m happy to be talking to you and could envisage having a chat and a coffee and a laugh. It’s an intimacy without romantic overtones, such as a “pleased to see you” hug or touch on the hand which would happen if you were meeting face to face. x

  • Thanks, Pat, for taking the time to comment. I just love what you’ve said and you’ve got it in one – thanks. Love Irene xx

  • I learned to add xo to my signature several years ago because I realized the words of an email were simply not enough to convey the fullness of my heart, or authenticity of my desire to serve. It’s amazing how a couple of letters can make such a huge difference.

  • Thanks, Emily, for commenting. I love your words and also the difference a couple of xx can make – thank you. Irene x

  • I think it is great, it a way of spreading love around. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you in person yet, but I can feel your warmth! 🙂 xx

  • I always end my blog posts with my name and a x. Went into meltdown once when my Web guy decided to remove them all, how very dare he? He thought it all to personal , hello I talk about lingerie and think that personal touch necessary and I an a touchy feely person too.
    Have to be careful though that they are not used to the wrong people or as you say Irene withheld if you are cross with someone.

  • Thanks, Rosanne, as always for your comments. And totally appropriate in your personal work, I agree with you xx

  • Thanks Irene. Sometimes I do put xxx’s and sometimes I don’t – depends how professional I feel I have to appear – but there is always a row of xxxxx for you!

  • I was just reflecting the other day how the x seems to be a standard sign off for a text these days. In fact it is starting to seem cold and standoffish not to put one. There is even an add on the radio “remember to delete that x before you send a text to your boss”. Nice to see a shift in technology creating connection instead of separating us.

  • Thanks, Joanne, for the reminder that technology can bring people together as well. Looking forward to seeing your work too. xx

  • Interesting article Irene – I always put a x or two at the end of emails etc. For both men and women, businness and pleasure, I’ve not given it much thought before now.
    I think it’s a part of who I am, and what I would wish to create in the world – never worry about how something of love and good feeling will be perceived 🙂 I’m sure your xo is always taken with a smile and gratitude for who you are

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