‘DO YOU ACTUALLY CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU?’
When you consider this question, many women’s response is ‘NO’.
Well, I do care what others think about me AND I care more about what I think of myself. That’s the difference as then I am not weighed down permanently by seeking others’ approval.
It’s part of the human condition to want others to like us in some way as it was imperative for our survival. We are born that way. We are social animals who want to know that others care, that we are understood and listened to. AND then there is the struggle! !
Struggle
We want to be unique – to be ourselves and yet profoundly want to belong. This is part of the human dilemma.
How can I be myself and still be part of a group or in a relationship or even in life? This is a struggle most of us have had (including me and women I know whether having a confident life or not) and still have these days in society.
Never Enough
Most women I’ve come into contact with, personally and professionally, are still trying too hard to
meet others’ expectations. They demand too much of themselves on the caring front. And as a result they’re always looking outside for validation. It is external and not internal validation that’s the problem.
No matter how much caring is given, it’ll never be enough! And so in always trying to be and do what others think you should or must be and do, you end up finding you’ve lost yourself. And you are no longer caring for yourself!
Legacy
These days, I hear so much about ‘I want another kind of life – for myself and the world’. Well, I can assure you that this hunger doesn’t go away. The hunger to find it becomes more intense as you go through life. You want to –
- be the best you can be
- be as honest as you can be
- draw loving boundaries within your family and friends
- be as authentic as you can
- allow yourself to be visible
- and to leave a legacy that you have contributed to the world
Caring for Yourself
I know for some that taking care of yourself, or bringing yourself into the picture can seem ‘not quite right’ or selfish even nowadays. I don’t see is as unusual, an indulgence or selfish.
I see it as –
- looking after yourself and your wellbeing.
- being essential in order to take care of people and things you choose to take care of
- enabling you to be more relaxed in life
- maintaining a sense of self
- stops you from being taken over by others’ demands (consciously or unconsciously)
- connection to yourself and then you can connect or flow with life more
It is a blessing to have the freedom to do this.
Also I have to say that whatever your actual present life situation, you can still connect more deeply with your own needs. What you then do about them is up to you!
I’d like to suggest to you that you care more about being more of who you are than caring what anyone might think about you.
So what would life be like if you made your needs a priority? Or if you invested in yourself? Take a little time to imagine it for a moment….. Give yourself the freedom to do this. Then see that the first step could be giving yourself a gift of ‘me’ time by saying YES and taking the opportunity to come along to my next Residential Retreat which is being held in Majorca on the 13-16 March, 2015 (see www.thevisiblewoman.com or e-mail me on irene@irenebrankin.co.uk)
This could be the best thing you do, and the start of a new direction in life – getting to know yourself better. Or it might not. But how will you know if you don’t come along!!!
Make a choice and take a risk – go on I dare you!!
I find this helpful,thank you for the post. I am happy with my life and happy with how I behave or have the space to be myself. BUT I am forever in a battle with myself about not being attractive enough. I can be confident and full of life but if I catch a glimpse of myself in a meeting or with friends the voice comes back. I always feel I would be more successful in business if I were thinner, more trendy or just more beautiful. It is something that has been with me since a teenager. Very odd.
Certainly as a teen I cared a great deal about what others thought of me or rather I worried about what others thought of me. As a mum in the early years I worried about what people thought of me, was I doing it right or completely messing everything up. Then stopped worrying. I do still care about what people think of me to a certain degree, at least I care what the people I love and work with think of me but most importantly I care about what I think of me and I think I’m doing pretty great since I let go of all the worry and just work on being the person I want to be. Great post. Thank you.
Thanks, Eliza, for taking the time to comment – appreciated. No it’s not odd how you’re feeling and it must be tough keeping comparing yourself. (By the way, you are not alone I can assure you!). In my work with women, I suggest they look in the mirror and see if they can say ‘I Love/like you’ and see what happens – and then write down why they can’t do that as there is always something more going on. Hope that helps a wee bit, Eliza. Irene xx
Lovely, Wendy, to have your sharing – thank you. Yes, the most important thing is what we feel about ourselves AND we can still care for others. xx
I think most people care too much what others think of them and they protest loudly that they don’t – the in-congruency is inauthentic – in that it is an energy that is unresolved. If you care, then own it is my motto and if you don’t then own that as ultimately it is about that…owning your truth…and I have to say it isn’t my business what other people think of me as what I think of me is the only thing that can keep me up at night 😀
Thanks, Sarupa – as always ‘a Woman after my own Heart’ with your honesty xx