Are you doubting you even if you’re a successful woman?

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ARE YOU DOUBTING YOU EVEN IF YOU’RE A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN?

 

It doesn’t surprise me at all if you are doubting yourself. Why? In my many years as a Chartered Counselling Psychologist, I have heard from quite a number of women (and I include myself in here), that, however accomplished and successful they are, somehow they are saying:

 

I’m never enough–

I’m afraid I’ll be found out

I’m found wanting

 I won’t ever reach that pinnacle of acceptance of myself

I’m Lacking in Comparison with others

 

Why?

 

It is not a good place to be and again I know it from my own experience!   There could be a good reason(s) as to why you have these feelings.   You have guilt or regrets from your past – you have shame or embarrassment again from the past.   Oh so many things, people, places, scenes are probably running through your head at the moment and your body might be telling you where you have stored these memories.

 

Getting in a ‘tizz’

 

These thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations come in more when we are overwhelmed and are having difficulty in completing or doing a task so I’m asking you to see yourself in your reality – how superb you are.

 

Re-look at all the balls you are juggling and that you are actually doing a great job, even although you hold yourself in the model of ‘I am not coping’.     Well, you are coping with all you have on your plate at home and in work.    It’s about time you acknowledged how great you are and then to see how you can tackle this build up of fear of being found out as lacking in some way!!!

 

Are you ensuring you give yourself some ‘Me’ time?

When and where are you laughing?

Too busy comparing yourself with Others?

Too busy going hither and thither?

Too busy focussing on what you don’t have rather than what you do have?

Too busy trying to be Perfect?

 

You see when you start paying attention to yourself, you’ll notice when you allow yourself to get overwhelmed and don’t enjoy things.  Usually anything outside of our comfort zone, new technology (this is the one for me!!) and so on can be what puts us into ‘ I am useless – no good – don’t want to do it now  ………………’

 

Possible build up

 

As women (partners, mothers, carers, business women or all of these), we are often generous with giving ourselves away, and do things for others both because we have good hearts and we want an easy life – perhaps we are people pleasers.    If you’re like me, you probably don’t even see this until one day your snap over something minor and all hell breaks loose!!    This is more indoors rather than at work where we usually struggle on with our façade of perfection before letting go.

 

It’s not that it’s wrong to take care of our children when young, helping out colleagues, friends and family when you see what needs done.   No, it’s when you feel you have no choice and it’s the build up of seemingly being at everyone’s beck and call and need to be seen as coping!!   This then causes the swallowing back of irritation or anger at someone or something and the feeling of injustice of it all.

 

Generally, most of us can handle this build-up in various ways – taking deep breaths, exercise, dancing, singing, reading …………..but if there is an accumulation over many years, it can cause you to explode over something minor as I said above.   Why?  Because you’ve allowed yourself to be taken over by the world around you.   You’ve allowed yourself to disappear in the equation.

 

Then comes in the shame and embarrassment or going into victim and blame and all those other things we are familiar with!!  You will know what you do as I am sure you will have experienced this build up in the past or even now.

 

Fine Human Being

 

When you feel in a ‘tizz’ or ‘losing it’, stop, make the time for you and know you are successful at so much.    This is only one area or one thing that is causing you to forget about all that is good about you.     Remember you don’t have to strive to be perfect ….whatever that is.    I can assure you that nobody is as we are all having to cope with living life.

 

And again, include in the you that is willing to delegate, say ‘No’, make mistakes, get things wrong, and particularly ask for ‘Help’ in the area(s) not of your expertise and who still knows she is a fine human being.

 

I would like you to simply breathe in, acknowledge and be grateful for what you have – who and what is in your life – and then make a commitment to include YOU in this doubt in your life.

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Contact me irene@irenebrankin.co.uk or via my website www.thevisiblewoman.com  for a chat and see how I can support you to honour yourself.

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