ALLOW YOURSELF PERMISSION TO ……
Before I forget, I want to say how proud I am that the BBC Television Programme ‘Children in Need’ raised over FIFTY MILLION POUNDS- yes £50,000,000 for charities to enable children to have more hope in life. Haven’t we done well????
Happiness
While I can say that the above makes me happy, I am fed up with hearing about happiness being our goal in life. I want to say that this can be pressure put on us, particularly at those times when you feel that there must be something wrong with you as you don’t actually feel happy all the time or even some of the time.
I’m willing to own that I’ve said ‘I just want to be happy’ and ‘everyone else seems to be happy, so why not me?’ at times in the past.
Is it that I am the only one who, at times, isn’t happy – maybe actually sad, distressed, upset, fearful, tearful …. Maybe any or all of these, and not happy?
Look on the bright side
I wonder what’s the harm we are under to always be happy – will our problems all go away?? NO they won’t, in my opinion. This is part of my own issue when I hear that I have to always be positive, look on the bright side, what was the learning you got from ……………………..?
Another area that drives me up the wall is positive affirmations. Yes, they can be beneficial and make us feel better and they can disconnect us from our real emotions.
In my opinion, it is fine to choose to act ‘as if’ on occasions and choice is the operative word. It is about feeling and owning whatever it is and not pretending that we don’t have it/them. Acknowledging them allows us then to choose to ‘act as if’ – if it’s what is needed in the situation. Because it has served us and perhaps others in that moment and we have chosen to do it.
Head under the blanket
You and I can’t run away from our issues. Well, we could put our head under the blanket and hope they’ll disappear – and they won’t. At some point we have to face and deal with them including our own feelings whatever they may be.
Of course, it can be painful to acknowledge to ourselves what we are feeling – it is not easy.
Happiness
Now that happiness has become the ‘in thing’, we are put under pressure to attain it and show the world ‘I am happy’.
Once again, what I am saying is that you don’t have to try to be good all the time and give out what is expected of you. It is important to be in touch with your emotions e.g. you can be aware of your irritability or anger and harness these so-called negative emotions. Your anger can fuel your creativity and even courage.
In my experience, it is important that you like yourself enough to know that these so-called undesirable parts of you (sub-personalities) are actually useful and have a gift for you. You don’t have to be a slave to being unhappy either or over-indulge in it. You simply haver to acknowledge your reality and that this too will pass.
For me, happiness is an inside job and sometimes I am unhappy. Acceptance of that means that I don’t have to pretend as it is simply part of the same spectrum. I can be comfortable with those moments or times of being unhappy as well as my joy and happiness.
Helpful Tips??
- Give yourself permission to be sad, angry, frightened and yes, of course, even happy as then you can be courageous and embrace whatever is going on for you.
- You have the power as it will be you that will have made that choice.
- Connect with others you trust who will not jump on you with their positive advice and will let you be where you are.
- Be comfortable with you (and your uncomfortability) and whatever it is you are feeling – happy or unhappy times.
- Don’t let the pressure of being happy make you miserable!!
And it is amazing what can happen when you give yourself permission to recall a happy memory – a smile comes on your face and inside you too – try it.
