HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ‘TAKERS’ IN YOUR LIFE
I have a feeling that you might know what I am talking about here as I am sure you may have met some during your lifetime either in-depth or simply in passing. And if you haven’t, then you are soooo lucky, I must say.
Who Are They?
In my opinion, these are the ones who:
- Talk too much about themselves
- Talk too much about what they do
- Tell you what they can do for you (whether they can or not!) totally inappropriately
- Love your ideas and then use them for themselves
- Take over the conversation all the time
- Seem unable to realise that you would like to share too
- Unable to see that their mess needs to be cleared up
- Don’t see that your eyes have glazed over
- Leave you drained and exhausted and yet you’re not sure why
- Don’t pick up on any signals from you or others that it’s time to move on
- Cut in before you have finished and tell you that that’s happened to them
- Are always telling you their problems/crises/fantastic happenings
- Offer to help and somehow it becomes ‘Oh you’ve finished! You should have asked!’
- Say – ‘Oh I really love what you’re doing and I’ll come’ AND don’t let you know they’re not
- AND ………………………………………………………………add your ones here
Lack of awareness OR Me, Me, Me!!!
I know that I can hold my hands up to one or two of them on occasion (well, maybe more than that!!) as I know we are all guilty of it in some form or another, at certain times in our lives. What I’m talking about here is the total lack of awareness that anyone else exists except them. EMPATHY is not part of their vocabulary and for most of the relationship, you really don’t exist as the world revolves around them. You may have experienced this particularly with teenagers and some simply don’t grow out of it – however long you wait!!
Here are some suggestions to deal with this behaviour
I am encouraging you to –
- Say ‘NO’ simply and clearly
- Move away from their monopoly of you in whatever way is good for you
- Smile, look at your watch and say ‘I have to catch/do ………’
- Say, ‘I’d like to take a raincheck on this for later’.
- Not allow their energy to disturb you – let go and move on
- Remember you deserve to be in the company of compassionate, caring. lively people
- Withdraw your energy from them so you protect yourself
- Accept them as they are and you can choose not to be around them
- Limit your interactions with them
- Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated as they are well versed in this
- In a group, say clearly – we have to move on now
- On an appropriate occasion, tell them in private what you’ve observed (scary one to do) and see what their response is……….
- Look at your fear behind dealing with it
- Take four deep breaths and then respond
- Realise there is no ‘magic wand’ and change won’t happen however long you wait
- Finally, treat yourself with the acceptance and respect you give to them
I’d love to hear how you get on so drop me a line irene@irenebrankin.co.uk or leave a comment.
I’m looking forward to meeting some of you at my Open Evening about my Retreats this Thursday.
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